A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades ... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?"

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the pearly gates. Ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, a leather jacket, and jeans. St. Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know wheter or not to admit you to the kingdom of heaven?"
The guy replies, "I am Joe Choen, taxi driver, of Las Vegas."
St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven." The taxi driver goes into heaven with his robe and staff, and it is the minister's turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of St. Mary's for the last forty-five years."
St. Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the kingdom of heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says St. Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

A man went on vacation and arranged for his mother to stay at his house and take care of his cat. And, just to be sure, he asked his next-door neighbor if he would look in on them every day and make sure they were all right. "No problem," said the neighbor. The man flew off to Mexico and after a couple of days he called the neighbor and asked how things were going.
"Well," the neighbor said, "your cat died." "Geez," the guy said. "You have to come right out and tell me like that? Couldn't you have a little more consideration. Couldn't you have broken it to me a little more gently. Like first telling me that the cat was on the rook but fell off, then maybe the next day telling me you had taken the cat to the vet but he didn't make it. By the way, how's my mom doing?"
"Well," said the neighbor, "she was up on the roof..."

Little boy walks into his parents bedroom and finds them having sex. His dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts at him to get out of the room. A little while later the dad hears a commotion coming from the young lads room. As he enters he is horrified to see the young lad having sex with his gran. The young lad turns and says "Not so fuckin funny when its your mum is it"

A football player comes into the church and asks the priest:
- "Good day holy father. Would it be a sin for me to play the game on Sundays?"
- "My son... I've been watching your games, and it would be a sin for you to play on any day"